As I have grown older, I have allowed myself the emotional space to be vulnerable. As Alain de Botton once said, “Adult life isn't possible without moments when, with reason being ineffective, all we can do is regress”. I often remind myself not to forget about my own humanity and fragility whilst trying to be an adult in a uncertain world.
I decided to walk home last night through Woolloomooloo which is the rough part of town near where I live to get home as soon as possible from a bar I was out at last night. As I made my way down I expected the usual commotion and of homeless people that life had hit the hardest. Instead what I noticed were groups of people huddled together with their blankets and beds braving the night. It was so quiet.
I was that energetic yet insecure kid in high school. Always wanting to make friends and to be nice to everyone. Once high school had finished, I was invited innocently by a friend to a church which I joined and stayed in for 8 years. It woke my passion for music but it also squashed my ability to question the world around me.
I stood at the edge of the cliff full of despair and hopelessness. One step and all of the pain would go away. I would be free of the demons that would haunt me. They were there where I lay sleeping. They were there when I woke. They walked with me through life. They would not leave me alone. This was my living nightmare.
I've been playing music my whole life, I've been teaching music since I was 19 and up until 2017 I had only thought of music as my only career option. I would never have thought that I'd be writing about this topic today and had you told me two years ago that I'd be doing something completely different for a career, I'd tell you that you were crazy!